Do not FORCE people

Now most of the time, people like us have the liberty of making the choices in our lives.  
But not always.

Cause sometimes (even as an adult), the people around you, make the choice for you, like as if you're incompetent to make good choices for yourself. 

I recently went through one such incident that made me feel so small and rubbish. And it's quite disheartening. 

There are many kinds of choices a person can choose. (obviously)
There is no "one particular choice" that can be generalized to work or be good for everyone.
"Good" and "bad" choices are so subjective.

And so when someone forces down a certain choice for me, I feel like telling them, "So you think I'm somehow incapable of making the right choice for myself? So you think that you have a say...a rightful say in my life? So you claim to know me and my life more than me? Go ahead, tell me how much you know about me, I'll tell you if you're even remotely close. Do you think you even know what you're doing in your life with the choices you made?"

People who make choices for others (who obviously can make their own choices) think they are super rational and righteous when they do so. 
Well in fact, that is the height of being irrational.

Because even when people take all the advice given to them, they also are bound to make the wrong choices at times. Taking everyone's advice doesn't make you immune to life's ups and downs. And what happens when you make bad choices? You learn from your mistakes.

I mean I get that you should be prudent with the way you utilize your time, money and efforts. But you can't expect to always be right, especially for other peoples lives when you're not asked for your advice. Thank you, but no thank you for your unsolicited advice.

And anyway, what's so wrong at being wrong sometimes? People should be given the liberty to choose...even to choose bad choices. 

There isn't any shame in taking responsibility for things that didn't work out.
And something I want to tell myself is, it's not your fault these controlling people are the way they are. They may have lost control in their own lives and they have learnt this maladaptive coping mechanism of forcing their "right" choices down other's throats. 

As kids, we were always pushed into doing and being things the way our elders or friends told us to. After some point in time, however, we need to be free from it.

Free to choose.

I'm not saying elders shouldn't protect their children from bad things that could cause them harm. But why must you shove unrealistic expectations for their future? their body? their significant other? their career? Especially when that person is an adult!

If a choice is really bad, they will find it themselves. Respect and believe in people's decision-making skills. A person will properly weigh the risk-factors of their choices themselves. 
You're not the only smart person here on this planet. And chances are, what worked for you or for someone you heard about, won't work for them. Do you really want to be the cause for someone's unhappiness that much? I don't think so.  

The victory in failing

The first test I failed was in school. The subject was Marathi (I mean, of course).

That wasn't the last time I failed a test though.

My classmates look at me right now and probably can't imagine me ever failing in anything academic. But the truth was very different. I too have my weaknesses. And Marathi was that one subject that repeatedly brought my total percentage/grade down.

I eventually got immunized from thinking failure was the end of me. My teachers scoldings mostly felt like nothing because I knew how hard I tried. I knew it was my best. If my best wasn't good enough then sorry, but my feelings aren't hurt by your unrealistic perception of me as lazy, irresponsible or stupid. Cause I'm none of those things and I can try harder next time. 
There's always a next time for most things in life. 

Many teachers make us feel like it's a now-or-never sort of thing. 
Rubbish. 
Though it would be easier to finish things off quickly once given the opportunity to. 

Later I found out, that teacher just had a big problem at letting me pass her subjects. There are many such teachers who take it badly when a student can't do well in their subject. They scream at the child, not realizing that their teaching methods could be at fault.

I mean, the harsher reality is on the students, who at a young age get screamed at for not understanding a teacher's faulty method of teaching. It's the student who gets punished for not scoring well and not getting good marks. It's the student that's not chosen by colleges and universities if they don't meet score requirements cause they had bad teachers. Scoring less and making mistakes are just part of learning. 

What punishments do teachers get for not teaching well? Their salaries are given whether or not the student learns. 

By my last year in school, when I got to know I failed biology in the first term's school exams...all I thought was "Okay, I'll do better next time". And that was that. No tears, no sadness...in fact I laughed cause I liked the subject of biology and it felt funny cause I had passed Marathi that time. 

Some teachers strongly believe screaming at their students will improve their performance...calling them all sorts of names other than who they really are. For some twisted reason they imagine doing this will give students more confidence for their exam writing skills. Very self-defeating methods by teachers.

Don't believe the mean things teachers call you, dear students.

Time and experience taught me that an exam result need not define your worth. All it says is your ability to understand certain concepts in the curriculum and being able to write that out on paper at that particular time...nothing more than that, nothing less.

Students tend to take it too seriously. Because we're brain-washed to believe this is all there is to life. That result paper is the prophecy set for me until the ends of time...that this will follow me as a ghost...the ghost of failure and regret. 

But it's not true. 

You can always do better in the future, no matter how much or how badly you failed. 

Even if it's the same subject, over and over. You never start again from the bottom. When you do things again and again, the knowledge and experience you learnt in your previous failure acts as the foundation to help you reach new heights. You will succeed....Eventually. 

The young pearl who took her failed biology paper very well, topped the same subject in the next school term and who knows...so can you.  

Escape

-Written by Christalle Fernandes

Today, my English professor was talking about connotations attached to words, and the way the meaning of a word changes subtly in relation to every context. It made me think about one word in particular.

'Escape.' This word is always associated with an underlying negative meaning, like escape from something bad, something terrible, life-threatening etc. But there are times when I've wondered: What if I want to escape from all things good.

There are fleeting moments when I've allowed myself to consider this rather strange idea. Sometimes, even though things are running smoothly, and all's right with the world, I feel the need to escape.

To run away, to get away from it all. I suppose it has something to do with our very human limitations, the feeling of being 'tied' to this earth, and having to go through the routine motions of everyday life. Routine life just feels so mundane and stale sometimes, that I just feel like getting up and running away and going on an adventure and never looking back.

The very beauty of the earth itself makes me feel discouraged at times. That may sound strange, but hear me out. I look up and up into the blue expanse of the heavens, and then an irresistible urge to soar and fly comes over me. At these times especially, escape seems like it's just within my reach, but not quite. And that's frustrating.

To fly high up, away from the ground,

To soar into the blue expanse and never look down.

But familiarity, routine, is what keeps me- what keeps most of us- going. Unfamiliarity is like a strange fruit, you want to taste it, but hold back from fear of being poisoned. Inevitably, even though we might soar above the ground in our dreams- we find ourselves firmly brought back to the ground by the normalcy of our daily lives. Whether this is a good, or a bad thing, is a debatable issue.

Dreams are what lift us above mundane realities, no matter how unrealistic they might be. And so, if that's what helps you to escape, then so be it.

I wonder how it would feel to lose my identity

To wander nameless, faceless, alone and free,

Lose myself in the crowd of surging humanity,

Running away from it all- and from being me.

My mind is a seashore

Thoughts...they sometimes clutter my mind a little too much. The reoccurring thoughts of worry keep resurfacing. So I force myself to not think about it. But it keeps coming up again in growing levels of annoyance. 
My mind is a seashore. I keep throwing these thoughts into the ocean...wanting to drown it. But again I see it on the shores...again and again. 
So I pick up the thought and see it...observe it clearly...without the waves of my emotion from distorting the truth about that thought. And so I see it and accept it for what it is. Suddenly, it vanishes. 
And I don't have to drown it no more.

There's still garbage thrown into the ocean of my brain. Comments and insults people have made about me over the years. Ideas and broken mirrors of who they want me to be....are the debris in this ocean. They keep being washed ashore. They are not who I am, no matter how they try to make me feel so. 

This rubbish being brought to the seashore, disturb me trying to make sandcastles. They don't let me enjoy the rocks, the sands, the company of the sea-snails and the soothing ocean waters of the undiscovered potential of my mind. 

I take out the trash, one by one. I hope for protection over my ocean. I extend my boundaries...I raise my standards of the people I allow in my mind. 

My mind is a seashore. And if you respect my ocean, you're welcome here. Soon it'll be clean and I will fully behold the majesty of all that it is....all that I am.