Would the absence of one person be felt in local trains or crowded streets? Would there somehow be someone who noticed your absence and felt the emptiness inside them eat a void into their hearts? Would an absentee be felt in a class filled to the brim with students of all types, loud and soft, diverse and bland? Would the world so big and mighty feel your absence if you weren't in it? The quietness of outer space, with incomprehensible noises echoing in the distance, makes no sense, so holds no meaning to you....how could yours hold any meaning or worth then?
The stars make patterns in the sky, and you make patterns in the sand...only to be changed in a matter of time.
So what's the use?
What's the value of life?
What's the value of my life?
Should I stay? Should I go?
Life is so unpredictable. We feel the highs and lows...and try to make sense of the middle. The middle sometimes being the feeling of numbness.
I notice the ones at the train station. Even if my mind wanders, I still scan your face in the crowds. When the vehicles on the streets pass me by, I look for your face in them. In the loud and noisy crowds, I look through each face, like browsing through a clothing rack, in search of you.
Where are you?
You are a loved one of mine.
Even if strangers, I recognize you and feel a sense of security and comfort arise in the familiarity of your face.
I have an expectation of you at your bus stop and in the over-filled classrooms of my city. We might have never even spoken, but I remember you.
I remember when you ate a certain snack on your way home as you stared at your phone screen and laughed, almost loudly, at a joke you read. I saw your face light up at the sight of the sea and the salty ocean breeze as you took that path along the seashore. I noticed you from a distance by the way you walk and the silhouette of your body.
I know you and appreciate having such a unique specimen to gaze at and admire.
I respect you when you're near, loved one...whether you're a friend, a family member, a helper, an authoritative figure, a colleague. I see the peculiar way you eat and the intricacies of your preferences I try to find out. I register our moments in my mind and recall them whenever I feel down. I say it sometimes, but not enough, "Thank you." But maybe when you feel the need to hide all your emotions because you feel you're too much, I should say, "I see you and I'm trying to understand how to be there for you."
I guess I'll never succeed in making this place and my heart as comfy and homelike as you need me to be. But I will always try to....and I'll never stop trying to.
I won't lie to you...The world will go on without you. But to the ones who notice you from a distance or from up close....we will definitely miss you. We will feel a feeling of vacant space in our hearts when you leave. We will feel light-headed of the place in our minds where you were, when you were on our minds.
We will surely feel the cluttering way worry comes...first a little, then a lot. Then it will all disappear when we see you the next time. After the short hiatus taken by you due to illness, family issues or other troubles.
Maybe we are all lonely and don't make sense in this world. We sometimes question the roles we play in life as a whole. Some find purpose, some don't. Some find stability in that, some are fine with the ambiguity. We all need some recognition for our efforts. We all have people we admire and look forward to seeing though, be it a stranger or a known person.
In this life we are but lonely. But know that there are always people willing to take their life's journey with you. For then, we will be lonely but together.
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