105 days of summer

Watching Phineas and Ferb while growing up made me really envious that they had 104 days of summer while I had barely 40 or 50.

But something happened this year...something so strange I didn't realize it happened until the end of it.

I like journaling my life, it makes me feel I can remember and hold on to important memories of my life as and when they happen. 

This is how I found out I had gotten 105 days of summer this year. 

So, about a week back, I decided to make a timeline of my entire summer...from the day of my last exam till the day before my college reopens. 
While I was nearing the end of this task...I realized my summer extended into 4 months. So I said, "Okay, Let's make a grand total."

When I did, I was shocked. I had 105 days of summer vacation this year. One day more than the summer Phineas and Ferb had in their summer.

I told some of my friends who shared that last exam with me. They too were surprised. 

And I? I decided to celebrate the last day of my summer. And that day is now, yesterday.

Didn't exactly go as my plans (when does it anyway?) ....because I didn't plan on mopping the whole house thanks to some repairs that had to be done in our house last minute. But seriously speaking, it wasn't that bad. 
Later that day, I enjoyed a blueberry cheesecake that my family and I ate together. That cake had the words of my unexpected victory: 105 days of summer vacation
That slice of cake was amazing. Who am I kidding? I ate two slices. 

Summer this year was great. I'll admit it, it did get a little boring towards the end (and annoying) but on the most part, I did complete lots of my personal goals...so that was great. 

I didn't go do anything particularly extravagant like Phineas and Ferb. But I had lots of fun hanging out with friends, meeting family, exploring the city, drawing, shopping, organizing my stuff, studying the bible, researching my options for courses, reading, learning new things.....and the list could go on. 

Back to Phineas and Ferb...due to this television series, I tend to plan out my days, each day, so that I don't waste my time doing nothing. And my summer vacations are a testament to the success of this planning. But, I do keep days aside to just relax and watch videos too. 

In a nutshell, I'm glad of the whole journey I've been through this summer.

And I'm glad I could share this joy with you. :-)

A hostage to the past

Just the other day, I felt the need to dig deep into my past by searching for and reading all of my past writings in the form of diaries, notes and letters.

It sometimes surprises me, when I read these writings because I cannot identify myself after all this time. Me and past me are so different. Yet, we share the same name and the same life. It scared me. But many of the bad experiences I went through in my past, carried itself within me as beliefs and stereotypes in the future, which happens to be now.

And I'm surprised by it all. I thought I rationally had those beliefs. Or I had the assumption that my memories were actually figures of my imagination, but no, I had gone through that. Weird.

It's all too strange to forget. But maybe it was motivated forgetting. Maybe I didn't want to remember.
But I have to forgive.

Because like this, I'm limiting myself. And...I'm limiting others.

It's seen all the time. People like us are so gripped by what wrong they did in the past or what wrong someone else did to them.....that they cannot move on...they cannot live life in colour anymore.

That's the beauty of forgiveness. Forgiveness helps us leave the past behind and enables us to walk in the present with full attention sans the emotional load of trauma.

It's difficult to forgive, I'll admit it. And forgiveness for me, many a times, is a process. It's a process that I keep procrastinating. But when I finally do begin to forgive, healing flows.

Also, very often, the one person who's the most difficult to forgive is...ourselves.

Let it go. I'm telling this to myself too, let it go, pearl.
You've got places to go.
Leave the baggage behind.
Leave the hatred and grudges behind.
Pick up your light handbag.
Pick up forgiveness.
And keep moving. ❤️