The assertiveness game plan

I am strange, there have been times in my life that I allowed people to use me like a rug and times I stood up for myself despite the odds.

But I'm not exactly what you'd call assertive. I'm getting there though.

The idea of assertiveness is often mistaken for being bossy and rude. That was at least what was on my mind about it.

It's a spectrum of behaviours. On one end, it's people being spineless and letting everyone take advantage of them. And on the other end, it's people being bossy, demanding and controlling of others.

Assertiveness is a healthy balance between the two extremes.

It means asserting what you want and don't want but also being willing to compromise to be on the same page.

There have been times I had to show people the door because they couldn't come to terms with me calling out their misbehaviors. And I used to feel bad about it and so be the one to adjust myself to them instead. 

But now I know that what I tolerate is what I'll end up with.
And there are normal people who'll respect your boundaries.

So here's the game plan I formulated for myself to be more assertive in my life...

1. Know yourself
It's only with realistic knowledge of yourself that you'll be able to differentiate between people being mean and people telling you to improve on your flaws. 

2. Accept yourself
If you find out there's something actually incorrect about something you do or say....accept it and work towards making the necessary changes.

3. Develop good amounts of self confidence
There maybe several methods to do so. Try out different activities. Put yourself out there. Many a times I underestimate myself because I don't put myself in situations where my talent and abilities can bloom and then I think everyone around me is better at it.

4. Be firm and assertive when people around you try to make you do things you don't want to do and vice versa. If they don't understand, it's alright to leave them in their delusional world that demands that they be the king over everything and everyone. You don't miss out when you're away from those people...you gain. The best way to play a game that people try to play on your mind is by not playing at all.

*Bonus*
Understand what your boundaries are and why it's good to keep them. Think out all the positives that can come out from you being assertive with others. (Especially with the really annoying pushy people)

Doodling during class

Life seldom goes by my plans. So? I doodle away. I doodle away, the class I thought would be interesting isn't and my friends are staring at the teacher with a blank expression wondering whether he even understands what he says. I'm looking at my notebook...I'm drawing. Classmates who are used to seeing me take notes throughout classes assume I'm doing the same thing. No, I'm not. I'm drawing of a world that only exists to me where no one could care less, where no one tries to stop me from dreaming.

I'm doodling, no rules and no end in mind. And somehow it still ends up into something that's pretty to look at. Isn't life too like that?
My friends finally notice I've been doodling and so they ask to see it...carefully they take my notebook and analyse the page. There's my usual class notes at the beginning and then the exact place where I drifted away into the smooth sailing oceans of a world without expectations.
- "It looks really good," She says, "and meanwhile I was paying attention to something I didn't understand."
- "Thanks." I say with a smile on my lips. I've got my thinking glasses on.
My friend looks at me and thinks to herself..."She's onto something."

Mermaid

I peer towards the top waters. The light barely reaches in these ocean depths. But I see everything. I see all too clearly. The blow fish, the coral reefs, angler fish, the shells of the old hermit crabs, sand dollars, urchins and sea weed. With only the lantern fish illuminating its surroundings every now and then.  Other than that, here, it's pitch dark to normal eyes. 

I stretch out my arms to flip back to face my friends, my fellow people. Most of them love to build. Our technology is quite advanced, I'd say. But I'm more of a traveler. I go far and wide...wherever the currents lead me. During my travels, I've heard of strange creatures called...humans. What an odd concept...humans! The good old turtle with all his mossy shell...like soft fur of some sorts....talks about the life he had experienced while on the top waters. The humans he says have civilizations like ours, big and mighty.

But what is as mighty as the oceans? Nothing. 

I'm pushing my fins to and fro as I swim around a great cliff I found as a child. Who'd want to live a life not in the gentle embrace of the beautiful waters? Who'd want to be limited to such an extent by gravity? 

I don't bother to hear another one of those stories when I see the old turtle talking about the humans to some younger folk. 

Life above the top waters is largely unknown. And no one knows how long the journey would take....maybe a lifetime. Though, I love my life here with my people, my fish folk and the beautiful life I've been leading so far. 

I swim fast, as fast as my fins can handle and stop at the furthest point outside my village. I look in the direction of the top waters and wonder, is there someone out there wondering what life's like on my side?

Gyaan from an Uber driver

Certainly not what I expected on an Uber ride...


I normally listen to music on my headphones on drives like these because I don't think I'd have anything worth saying on the ride...and I don't think the driver would have anything worth listening to. 
But this driver was different.
I was surprised by the wisdom with which he spoke to us. The guy was so wise and had such an interesting perspective towards life and people that I couldn't help but listen.
It was more of a lecture in the Philosophy of life than a regular Uber ride. 

He spoke about how freedom of the mind is true freedom. It's the freedom to see the good in every situation...to focus on the positives when there's negativity around. And how freedom at it's truest form...in the mind...cannot be taken away by anything or anyone. 

He then continued and told us about how friends and family are the people that make life worth living. That it's better to be sufficient with money...but not blinded by it. Because that only leads to unhappiness. And that people with loads and loads of money, fame and the dream life aren't always the happiest...a perspective I personally believe in. People trade off their amazing family lives for the big name and fortune not fully realizing that family life is the best life.
The love and support we get from our few friends and family cannot be equal to whatever amount of money and possessions we can possibly have. 

He said how...Life can be unfair to good people. And that's terrible. But at the end of the story, the wicked will have their punishment and the good will gain justice and rewards for their long-suffering. We don't have to get frustrated when bad people seem to flourish...they will fall out of luck. The truth about a cruel person will come out...no matter how much he tries to hide it. An honest good man will eventually gain justice and success...even if there's many failures that come his way at first.


The main lessons I learnt that night was....
1. There are good people out there disguised as the ones you least expect.
2. You don't have to wait to be at a high position to be influential...you can spread your good vibes at any time, with any job.
3. Wisdom is something anyone can gain. 
4. And lastly, it's good to be open about things like this. We strengthen people's trust in humanity when we're honest and firm in our convictions.

There are so many people out there who think knowledge and wisdom go hand in hand. But that's not true. 
We need more people to be kind and give out positive vibes in this world...there's too much negativity that keeps bogging us down. 
There's nothing to be afraid of...true freedom is freedom of the mind.

To whoever that Uber driver was that day, if you're reading this, please publish a book on your thoughts, I will buy it.  

Beyond the illusion

(Continuation of the previous post)

So often I come across people who challenge the stereotypes of their groups' colour, religion, country, etc by being different from what is spoken about their groups. And I laugh at my stupidity....I laugh at my ignorance. Then? I enjoy the person beyond my prejudices.

It's tough and it takes courage, to see people as they are...not how we want to think they are.

Evil isn't dark and good isn't white.
Evil can be beautiful...tempting...fair skinned....bright. But evil hurts. It takes more than what is offered to it. It forces...it demands...it destroys.

Good can be ugly...scary...dark...repulsive. But good restores. It heals. It's grateful. It gives. It loves...it comforts....it accepts.

It's the illusion set before us, to go by what we see.
Yes, our sight does give us clues to the unseen. But most of reality still remains unseen....unknown.
For the good doesn't boast and evil likes to spread rumours.

I feel obliged to say that inner beauty is hidden. It's not. Not always, at least.

Beauty oozes out, no matter how much you try to keep it hidden.
What is this beauty I speak about so fondly?
Beauty is kindness. And kindness knows no limits.
Kindness doesn't stage a good act like a performance. It just looks for ways to help the other.
It sees beyond the illusions that people mask themselves into. It looks into the person and touches their heart...no matter how bad their works are.

Kindness purifies the soul. And there's a little of it in everyone of us...in equal measure. Everyone has the choice to listen to the voice of kindness... people of all races, colours, occupations, age, gender...there's kindness in you.
Do you want to believe in the voice of truth? Or do you want to believe the lie of the illusion around you?