It's how it has been. Whenever I find myself defeated in life, I read pages from my old diaries. No matter how much pain is buried in there...I read them. Even through the toughest days, there were good days. Like some beams of light in a ditch. Few, but that little light became so much more valuable because of the vast darkness that had surrounded me.
It's the broken pieces that make me. The broken pieces are the experiences of the things that had been before it was completely destroyed. I pick up the broken pieces and use them to complete the big picture...my life. Because I know I needed something more...something more to make this life meaningful. And these broken pieces became my something more.
As I read my old diaries I gather strength from the past. I did it then, I can it now. I can move on from the people that held me down.
Throughout my whole life I've experienced a lot of toxic friendships. Whether those friendships lasted a few weeks or years, it nearly always left me thinking whether it was my fault that we aren't friends today. But in time I learnt the truth about these things, some things happen to us for a reason. Not to break us down and slowly kill us, but to make us mature and to teach us valuable life lessons.
Many people have left my life so far. And it used to hurt me for a long time that I couldn't make them stay in my life. But now I realize it wasn't because of my fault or theirs. It because that's how life is sometimes. We'll never know of the better that's gonna come if we keep holding on to the past "ok". We have much more waiting for us in the future.
And this reminds me of the time when I began again from a toxic friendship. The damage made me believe that whoever I come across is gonna treat me the same way. But guess what? There are better people who'll treat you better than they (your toxic friend) never tried to.
You can try this for yourself, when you're hung up over something that happened, don't look only at the problem but look at the bigger picture. This hurt that they have caused you is going to heal eventually and make you a better person, stronger and wiser.
