Adulting: Playing the part

    Since a young age, we would look up to adults with sheer wonder sparkling in our eyes. It seemed like such a beautiful perfect world. We all wanted to grow up quickly because of the envy we felt, over how adults could choose and live life the way they wanted. 

    So we fast tracked on every superficial characteristic on what it means to look like an adult. We see it everywhere in our society...the make-up, the clothes, the alcohol and other "adult things". 

    Can you blame an innocent child into believing this was what it meant to be, to be an adult? We don't know any better. Maybe it's time society taught us better.

    When I turned 18...I didn't feel any different. The world treated me a little differently in legal situations...but for the most part, I was still treated like a child. Soon, I'll turn 21, and I doubt it'll make me feel any different as well.

What's the right way of feeling on birthdays anyway?

    Lately, I and my classmates have been busy studying, looking for college courses, scholarships, internships and jobs to apply after our graduation. At every step there's so many more routes we can take, that it becomes confusing to decide which one will be the right decision for us.

    I had the habit of over-planning when I was still in school. Then in High school, I realized, it made me an anxious wreck, so I started planning only for the very next step. It was a good strategy that I followed, until now. 

    I'm back to over-planning out of necessity.

    

    I'm usually a lazy person...so that part of me just wants to keep with the way things are going, instead of trying something different that could be good for me. But I know and fear the reality, that all opportunities come along with anxiety and may pass me by…if I don't act within the specified time. After that, all I'll be left with, will be regrets.

    Turning into an adult wasn’t as dramatic or great as I once thought. However, there is a joy I feel, over finally growing up despite not achieving my dreams yet.

    Early Adulthood is a phase for me where I'm still trying to learn the ropes of life. Slowly transitioning from making my own decisions and bearing the consequences of those decisions. I'm failing at the life standards I set at a young age. But in time I've come to know that it’s OK if your dreams change due to the new information you have at hand. 

    Even if in 5 years, I'm not where I want to be. It's only because of the hurdles I faced; The hurdles of adulthood that no-one talked to us about while growing up. So, I guess I can't only be angry at myself, right? No-one warned me about the boredom of paperwork, anxiety of looking through courses, insecurities of job eligibility, unstable politics, unreasonable restrictions by parents, stereotyping by society, and so on.

    When I look back at the dreams of my childhood self, I know it was too romanticized and set in the imagination of a perfect world. I am happy I had the innocence and imagination of a perfect world back then, but it's time to wake up and play the part.

Agenda for 2021

         Waking up earlier really has boosted my productivity. And when I say productivity, I mean, doing things I planned to do all along instead of spending the whole day watching Shows and playing Garena Free Fire. Though, those things are fun and amazing. 

I am finally done mooching around and ignoring this poor blog. (I hope)

During this break from writing here, I really thought a lot over the many things that have happened. This Pandemic is taking more time than expected, huh? At least now, some of the things are back to normal and they are my sweet comfort. 

Several of my plans are turning into reality as I try to apply for jobs and colleges...many freedoms seem to be just outside the door. 

There's always the laziness in me that still doesn't want to do anything, and get everything. 

After I began my search for jobs and internships, I've a better idea on the path ahead of me and the steps I need to take. It's like the trial and error of my childhood self, clicking her tiny fingers on my dad's first feature mobile phone. Is learning everything in life, a process of trial and error?

These days, I am spending some time on continuing my editing of this blog. There are beliefs and ideas here, that I no longer support...thus, I'm on a cringe-y journey to eliminate such articles and edit others. So you may find that some articles have disappeared or been changed. Don't worry, because they are either really old or have very few page viewers. I also hope to finally try and get all my articles illustrated. Big work ahead of me! Just wanted to get you'll updated about it.

I really enjoy creating on this space granted to me by the internet. 

Though I sometimes find it really peculiar how I get things done so much quicker when I'm doing it for someone else. Is that a lack of self-respect? Perhaps.

Much to do in little time, I bet all of us can relate to that. But even in my busyness, I'm glad to have things to do and fill up my day.

I am also considering trying to make my social media accounts more personal and transparent of who I am as a person and what this blog is about. This has been on my mind for a long time and I really didn't know how to go about it. 

A little announcement from me is coming and its that I will be open to hire for illustrating, writing and tutoring. Will give more details soon. :)