Good Therapist, Bad Therapist

The conversation surrounding depression, suicide and mental illness has begun appearing in online discussions after the tragic death of a star actor. Talking about these things are important, sure, but to most Indians...there's a huge gap between talking about these things and actually going for therapy. Why is this so? This is mainly due to bad experiences had by people themselves or by hearing experiences of others. So it's totally understandable. Another reason could be due to the misinformation about it.

As for me, having been through therapy under both kinds... the good and bad...I have made some observations. Here's a general list of the characteristics of good therapists and bad therapists based on my experiences:

The Good Therapist

1. You don't feel judged in front of them no matter what you tell them about yourself. You feel their unconditional positive regard when you talk to them about the worst things of yourself. 

2. Their words are always sweet but they know how to tell you difficult truths. 

3. They guide you through their questions and their inputs to help you find your own solutions. This training helps you internalize this method in your mind even when they're not around. (They give you the right tools to be independent of them)

4. Their sessions with you are planned and organized well. 

5. The therapy techniques they use are based on decades worth of psychological research. For example, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

6. They help you trust yourself better and manage your relationships with other people properly.

7. They usually have a long and rigorous training in psychological studies and counselling. They most probably have a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology and Master's Degree in a specialized field of Psychology. They may have even done further studies. 

The Bad Therapist

1. They are rude and judgmental. Sometimes you feel like you're talking to one of your neighbourhoods' judgy uncles or aunties. 

2. They do most of the talking during each session...and by talking I mean, advising you on how to live your life based on outdated standards of culture.

3. Their sessions are very disorganized and you get the impression that they didn't plan anything.

4. They usually have questionable education in the field....mostly a small-time certificate or diploma in the field, nothing else. 

5. They don't empathize with your situation, nor understand it properly.

6. They create a dependence in you, either to only trust their advice or the advice of a priest or elder. Cause they think you're too young to know how to make good decisions for yourself so they encourage you to trust yourself less. They act like they have all the right answers in life.

7. They easily get offended.(It might be their anger management issues)

8. They say things like, "When you're in my shoes, you'll know." They basically trivialize your problems by saying things like this.

9. They make big eyes or disproving gestures when you say something about yourself that is out of their realm of what they think you should be doing. 

10. Did I mention that they are very judgemental?

Quick tip! Try to get a therapist whose life is similar to yours, this will help you'll understand and trust each other better. It will also inspire you, to see a person in similar situations as you...thriving mentally. 

Finding a good therapist is difficult, so don't worry about discontinuing your sessions with a therapist that's not helping you. You can explicitly give them your feedback or completely ghost them...don't worry too much about it....the aim of therapy is to help you...not to create a false impression in your therapist's mind that they're helping you, when they're clearly not.

Whatever kind of therapy you've gone to in the past, whether the good or bad, it feels good to have finally said something that you don't feel you can tell other people. There are many truths in life and to speak your own truth is so important. 

Even if you don't agree with the characteristics of what I think good and bad therapists are like, its best to stick with a therapist that works well for your mental health.