I am strange, there have been times in my life that I allowed people to use me like a rug and times I stood up for myself despite the odds.
But I'm not exactly what you'd call assertive. I'm getting there though.
The idea of assertiveness is often mistaken for being bossy and rude. That was at least what was on my mind about it.
It's a spectrum of behaviours. On one end, it's people being spineless and letting everyone take advantage of them. And on the other end, it's people being bossy, demanding and controlling of others.
Assertiveness is a healthy balance between the two extremes.
It means asserting what you want and don't want but also being willing to compromise to be on the same page.
There have been times I had to show people the door because they couldn't come to terms with me calling out their misbehaviors. And I used to feel bad about it and so be the one to adjust myself to them instead.
But now I know that what I tolerate is what I'll end up with.
And there are normal people who'll respect your boundaries.
So here's the game plan I formulated for myself to be more assertive in my life...
1. Know yourself
It's only with realistic knowledge of yourself that you'll be able to differentiate between people being mean and people telling you to improve on your flaws.
2. Accept yourself
If you find out there's something actually incorrect about something you do or say....accept it and work towards making the necessary changes.
3. Develop good amounts of self confidence
There maybe several methods to do so. Try out different activities. Put yourself out there. Many a times I underestimate myself because I don't put myself in situations where my talent and abilities can bloom and then I think everyone around me is better at it.
4. Be firm and assertive when people around you try to make you do things you don't want to do and vice versa. If they don't understand, it's alright to leave them in their delusional world that demands that they be the king over everything and everyone. You don't miss out when you're away from those people...you gain. The best way to play a game that people try to play on your mind is by not playing at all.
*Bonus*
Understand what your boundaries are and why it's good to keep them. Think out all the positives that can come out from you being assertive with others. (Especially with the really annoying pushy people)
But I'm not exactly what you'd call assertive. I'm getting there though.
The idea of assertiveness is often mistaken for being bossy and rude. That was at least what was on my mind about it.
It's a spectrum of behaviours. On one end, it's people being spineless and letting everyone take advantage of them. And on the other end, it's people being bossy, demanding and controlling of others.
Assertiveness is a healthy balance between the two extremes.
It means asserting what you want and don't want but also being willing to compromise to be on the same page.
There have been times I had to show people the door because they couldn't come to terms with me calling out their misbehaviors. And I used to feel bad about it and so be the one to adjust myself to them instead.
But now I know that what I tolerate is what I'll end up with.
And there are normal people who'll respect your boundaries.
So here's the game plan I formulated for myself to be more assertive in my life...
1. Know yourself
It's only with realistic knowledge of yourself that you'll be able to differentiate between people being mean and people telling you to improve on your flaws.
2. Accept yourself
If you find out there's something actually incorrect about something you do or say....accept it and work towards making the necessary changes.
3. Develop good amounts of self confidence
There maybe several methods to do so. Try out different activities. Put yourself out there. Many a times I underestimate myself because I don't put myself in situations where my talent and abilities can bloom and then I think everyone around me is better at it.
4. Be firm and assertive when people around you try to make you do things you don't want to do and vice versa. If they don't understand, it's alright to leave them in their delusional world that demands that they be the king over everything and everyone. You don't miss out when you're away from those people...you gain. The best way to play a game that people try to play on your mind is by not playing at all.
*Bonus*
Understand what your boundaries are and why it's good to keep them. Think out all the positives that can come out from you being assertive with others. (Especially with the really annoying pushy people)
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