Last night as I was laying down in bed trying to drown myself into my imagination in order for me to fall asleep. ...I thought of something I had never before. Until that very moment I had always thought or imagined about things in the future that I wanted to happen. Things I knew that would probably never come true. Those were the things I expected my life to be like.....easy, comfortable and perfect in every way possible.
What else could I imagine? Escaping into the thoughts of a better future made me fool my mind to feel like it was reality. Life isn't the way you see it in movies.... you can't see "the happy ending" in 2 hours or less. It's longer and much more stressful to go through all your problems to see what is beyond the valley of darkness.
My mind went blank for some time. The silence grew loud. I closed my eyes to listen to the sound of silence. Nights before this I only imagined impossible scenarios in my head.
But not this time, this time I focused on my present self. About the present. About how so many beautiful and horrible things are going on in my life. And me, just here, fully aware and trusting in God to get me through.
Life hasn't ever got me thinking this way ever before like it did last night. Maybe I've grown up from my past mistakes, maybe I'm stronger now, maybe....maybe...
But maybe I'm just the same person I was before. Escaping in the thoughts of the things to come, hoping they'll be better than my present, thus ruining the very capacity of getting me to the place I wanna see myself in. Yes, by over -thinking. So Yeah, maybe I'm still immature and a late bloomer. But is it late? Or have I found the key to complete the mystery of my life? I guess I'm just one step closer....one step closer to figuring myself out.
Thinking about the present might not seem very clever to do. But realizing the value of the present just could be. Cause no-one can change the future by worrying about it. You can only change your future by what you do in the present.
These were my thoughts from last night. The present is a present. Don't cram the mind at night thinking about tomorrow or the future. It will happen how it needs to. Focus in the moment. For right now, will never return.
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